Have you been a total mess since your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you? A friend might tell you to “pull yourself together” and stop spiraling, words of advice meant to help you move on.
This post unpacks the origin and meaning of this widely-used idiom and shows you how to incorporate it into your everyday vocabulary.
Meaning
The English idiom “to pull [oneself] together” means to regain control over your emotions and actions and get your life back in order.
People may advise loved ones to pull themselves together when they react emotionally to turmoil like a breakup, job loss, or the death of a close friend or relative.
This “tough love” advice lets someone going through a crisis know that their behavior has spiraled out of control.
Example Usage
Would you like to add “pull yourself together” to your vocabulary? Here are some examples of appropriate ways to do that:
- “It’s been two months since I got laid off from the job I had for 10 years, and I still haven’t started applying for new jobs. It is time to pull myself together and get my life back on track.”
- “Bro, you can’t just stay in and play video games all day. Pull yourself together and get a job. And move out of mom’s basement!”
- “I think you coddle your son too much. You should tell him to pull himself together rather than allow him to destroy his life.”
Origin
The idiom “pull yourself together” became popular in the 1950s and ‘60s. While it started in the United States, “pulling yourself together” is common in British English too.
There are several theories about how this metaphor originated.
One theory holds that “pulling yourself together” is closely related to another famous American idiom, “to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.”
No matter how low you have fallen and how hard it is to get back up, the message is you need to pull yourself together through your own hard work.
The other theory is that “pulling yourself together” refers to the idea that the soul and body can separate. People in crisis may lose themselves (and their souls).
When you say someone needs to pull themselves together, you tell them to metaphorically “find themselves” again so they can continue living a productive and full life.
Either way, someone who needs to pull themselves together finds themselves in a chaotic and bleak situation, often related to grief and loss. The person needs to develop a fighting spirit to fix their life.
Phrases Similar to Pull Myself Together
Similar phrases include:
- Being beside yourself — meaning to have “lost” oneself.
- Get back on your feet — a metaphor indicating that you need to get back up after falling down.
- Get a grip — return to reality and fix your life.
- Pick up the pieces — figuratively collecting the components of the productive life that has slipped away.
Phrases Opposite to Pull Myself Together
People who have not pulled themselves together, but need to, may be:
- Falling apart.
- Lost.
- Spiraling out of control.
These concepts all indicate someone whose life is “in pieces.”
What Is the Correct Saying?
The correct saying is “pull myself together” or “pull yourself together.” It means you are in crisis and need to gain control over your emotions and actions.
Ways People May Say Pull Myself Together Incorrectly
The metaphor “pull yourself together” serves as a warning that someone’s life has fallen apart. You should never use it in situations where you want to comfort someone who has lost something.
Acceptable Ways to Phrase Pull Myself Together
You might say, “I need to pull myself together,” if you know you haven’t been performing well recently and promise to fix that.
You can also tell someone else to “pull yourself together” if you think they have felt sorry for themselves long enough and need to move on.